A Messed Up Christmas
by LexiLopezi
Summary: It all started with fireworks... the REDs might need a new therapist when this is over. Bit of a oneshot thing I came up with because of too much candy and frustration with homework.


**Insert Title Here**

"MAGGOTS! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GET THEM!"

"WHAT DIDJA PUT IN DOSE FIYAHWORKS SOLLY?"

"Oi'm not getting' paid enough fer this…"

(Rewind to a few minutes earlier)

It was Christmas night, and the REDs were outside for a fireworks show by Soldier and Demoman. The colourful explosions were expected. What wasn't expected was the sleigh crashing down in front of them, complete with what looked like Heavy's grandpa, a glittery midget, an albino kid, some kind of parrot lady, and a mutant bunny. The base's roof gained a few new decorations in the form of reindeer. A moment of awkward silence reigned.

"I refuse to participate in zis madness. Goodnight, gentlemen."

Spy cloaked and ran off, presumably to his room, or to book another therapy session.

"I need to feed the doves, und Heavy has to help," Medic stated.

"I go with Doktor," Heavy followed Medic gratefully.

"Zzz…" Demo got drunk and passed out on the ground. No surprise there.

(In Pyroland)

The Balloonicorn was here to play with Pyro. It squeaked and flew off. Pyro chased after it along the candy covered roads.

(In reality)

Pyro wandered off to do whatever it was Pyro did off the battlefield.

"…" Sniper facepalmed and got ready to deal with the headaches to come.

"HIPPIES!"

Soldier yelled aggressively and aimed his rocket launcher at aforementioned strange people.

"Hand on, pardner, are you sure they're hippies?" Engineer, ever the calm one, tried to reason with Soldier. It never worked.

"OF COURSE THEY ARE!"

"Uh, guys…"

"You _sure_?"

"Guys…"

"AFFIRMATIVE! AND IF THEY'RE NOT HIPPIES, THEY COMMIES!"

"GUYS!"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"Dose weirdoes ran off inta our base."

(Which brings us back to the present)

"...MAGGOTS! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GET THEM!"

"WHAT DIDJA PUT IN DOSE FIYAHWORKS SOLLY?"

"Oi'm not getting' paid enough fer this…"

"If they touch mah sentries or the Respawn machine…"

(*POV Change*)

"How did we end up flying over a Mexican desert in the first place?" Jack Frost asked exasperatedly.

"Uh… I blame navigator," North shrugged.

"That's you, mate," Bunnymund pointed out.

"Then I blame snowglobe."

"Less talking, more figuring out how we get out of this mess," Tooth scolded.

Sandy floated along happily, content to let the others talk.

Scout rounded the corner first, followed by Sniper, Soldier and Engie, who was panting slightly and trying to keep up. Maybe he should spend more time in the gym.

Much screaming and running ensued. And somehow they managed to split up into groups of two mercs chasing two Guardians. Sandy had found Pyro a ways back and was currently having a tea party.

(Sniper and Scout chasing Jack and Bunnymund)

"Bet they catch you before me," Jack taunted Bunnymund. Their rivalry went way back, and wouldn't be stopping anytime soon.

"You don't wanna race a rabbit, mate," the Pooka retorted, before putting on an extra burst of speed, racing down the white(ish) corridors. He was too busy checking how far back Jack had fallen to notice the baseball bat heading straight for his face. When he did notice, carrots were dancing around his head.

"Take dat chucklehead," Scout smirked.

Jack scowled, unleashing a stream of snow and cold air that blasted the Bostonian against a wall. Said Bostonian's teammate let an arrow fly from his Huntsman, pinning Jack against the same wall. The arrow was followed by more of its friends.

The two Guardians were tied up and dragged to the Intel room, where they met up with Soldier and Engie, who had captured North and Tooth. Sandman was asleep in the corner, so they tied him up too.

"So… whaddaya wanna do wit' dem?"

"THEY ARE HIPPIES AND MUST BE ELIMINATED!"

That woke up everyone unconscious, although Bunnymund pretended to still be knocked out, and Sandman was so tired he just yawned and fell asleep again.

"They don't look like hippies, more like those stories my mum used to tell me when I was a kid."

"Now ya mention it, that one wot looks loike 'e's related ta Heavy moight be Santa Claus."

"I still say they're hippies… but the midget could be the Sandman…"

"What about the kangaroo?"

"Fer the last time, Oi'm not a bloomin' kangaroo, Oi'm the Easter Bunny!"

"…"

"Oi wasn't s'posed to say that, was Oi."

"IT FRIGGIN' TALKS!"

"'Course he talks, he's the Easter Kangaroo."

"OI'M A BUNNY!"

"Kangaroo."

"Bunny."

"'Roo."

"Bunny."

"It… friggin'… talks…"

"Oi need to foind that Spoi's therapist."


End file.
